Over the course of this past week, I came to the realization that God has been leading me to the Ministry since I was young. It is entirely possible that I have the gifting for it, and I know I have the willingness. So, I'm applying to Gordon Conwell. This is what I wrote on the application form today when they asked me about my testimony.
Both of my parents came to Christ during their adolescence. My mother's mother was the first person in her extended family to receive the Gospel, and my father struggled to bring his father, an atheist, to Christ until he was taken by cancer. As such, they valued Christ greatly and always sought to make Him known to me through their example of Christian marriage, parenthood, and participation in the local church.
When I was three, my mother miscarried the child between myself and my little brother. I was, of course, so young that I barely have any recollection of this event, but I have been told that when my father explained to me what had happened, I asked him something to the effect of, "But what about Jesus? What is He doing about this? Why didn't He stop it?" I believed in the person and sovereignty of God in as real and concrete a way as I would believe in any other person from my earliest time of rational thought. A few years later, when I was six years old, one of my Sunday School teachers, Miss Martha, explained the concept of sin to us. I know it sounds a bit far-fetched, but even from that age, I knew what it was to be not just bad, but deeply sinful. I had a little brother. No one can be ignorant of their depravity with a sibling to arouse your selfishness nature. I had been angry with him, stolen from him, and probably even abused him in some way even though he was the greatest source of joy in my life. (He always has been since I knew I was going to be a big brother.)
Having seen the consequences of my sin in my relationship with him and my parents, I understood why God needed to forgive me. I had done bad things, I was a bad person, and I had a guilty conscience. So, when she told us that God wanted to forgive us of that sin, that Jesus had paid for it already, and that He wanted to live in our hearts, I accepted it gladly. I still remember the room, the little chairs, the felt cut-outs of Bible characters on the green board, and my folded hands. I truly believe that God took me from being a mere covenant-child to a Believer, indwelt by His Spirit, from that day.
For the next 12 years I was educated in a Christian Elementary, Junior, and High school and was educated in the scriptures and in my Presbyterian tradition. I will never be sufficiently grateful to my home church, First Presbyterian of Augusta, GA, where I learned to love and revere the scriptures as the living word of God.
Having been raised in just one church my entire life, I decided to attend churches of various denominations during my college years, so as to see and know the Bride of Christ more fully. Most of the descriptions I had received about other Christian doctrines and methods had been derogatory, since they were criticisms of the ways of another tradition. (Sadly, we Christians are not always generous to those with whom we disagree.) I had a hard time believing that they were all bad, though, since presumably they loved the Lord as I did. During my time worshiping, studying, and serving alongside Catholics, Orthodox, Charismatics, Baptists, non-denominationals, and those who slipped even further through the cracks of Christian labels, I realized that every faith had a love for Christ and a particular focus. Wherever that focus lay, they were stronger there than any other denomination I knew. But, it also created a blind spot because they were focused on something other than Christ Himself. Christ used this time to warn me that it was only my love for Him that should guide my doctrine, my liturgy, my study, and my service. I believe He was counseling me to be guided by nothing at all other than Him or it would easily become an idol to me.
I have struggled to find God's purpose for me all my life.
Ever since I was a teenager, it seems that I have fallen effortlessly into positions of ministry and service in camps, youth programs, Sunday schools, educational institutions, pulpits, and random sidewalks. Everywhere I go, I find myself doing something for other people or working with youth or encouraging a fellow believer. Being a raging extrovert who likes people and doesn't mind doing anything for them, its easy, even natural. And yet, for all that, I have struggled with the concept of "discerning the will of God." Somehow I have built up the concept of a "call" as something mystical that only the soul sufficiently tortured with unrequited request for insight can receive. Recently, though, my Father has been showing me that He not only can use someone as broken as me and can call someone like me, but He is already using me and calling me forward. I wish to go to seminary simply to be better equipped to follow Him more deftly.
This is a blog so its all about posting and getting responses. You guys know me, so I would greatly value your input on the matter. For better or worse.
Christ Keep You All
